Mocking Canada has become something of a tradition for Stephen Colbert, who has already called Canadians “syrup-suckers” and “iceholes,” and he took his attack on the Great White North to a whole new level on last night’s installment of The Colbert Report.
Colbert referred to a news story that made “visions of anger-plums dance in my head,” involving a “Canadian Grinch” who was arrested for telling children at a Christmas parade that there is no Santa.
“There’s no point denying it anymore,” said Colbert. “There is no Santa Claus…in Canada.”
According to Colbert, Santa may fly over Canada on his way from the North Pole to America, but doesn’t deliver toys here — although he may occasionally stop at a Tim Horton’s so the reindeer can use the bathroom.
Colbert’s theory: each year, a different Canadian celebrity fulfills the duties of Santa. “According to the Nelly Furtado clause,” quipped Colbert, “this year it’s Rush. So that jing-jing-jingle you hear on the roof is just Neil Peart breaking into a 45-minute hi-hat solo.”