Soccer ain’t the easiest sport. It’s boring as all get-out. It involves way more running than humans should have to do. Plus, so many loud Europeans. Oh, the Europeans!
Anyhow, this stuff aside, there’s also the logistical part of the game. You know, where kicking and scoring come into it. Clearly, some people are better at this than others. During my four years of forced soccer playing (ages 9 to 13), I booted in a total of maybe 11 goals. Not humiliating, but not great either. I sucked a lot in other ways, mind you: missing the net, getting knocked on my arse, and generally warming the bench like an old man feeding his pigeons.
That said, I never once came close to doing what the unfortunate (European?) fellow in this video does. And for this, I’d like to give thanks to the various soccer gods.
