Bernie Madoff. Lance Armstrong. Benito Mussolini. The Milli Vanilli dudes. Some of history’s least reputable figures. Men who earned the trust of thousands — even millions — only to ultimately squander it with near-sociopathic levels of deceit.

We here at BreakTime are saddened to report another dissimulator is poised to join these unscrupulous ranks. He goes by ‘John’ (surname withheld), and his relationship with the truth is taxed beyond conceivable repair. Like with the Serpent of Eden or that Othello-baiting Iago, may the Lord show mercy to those who trust even the most innocuous of syllable to escape his venomous lie-hole.

Despite assuming the physical form of a toddler, John deftly casts his net of fibbery with extreme prejudice, firing out laser-precise fabrication at a near-PHD level. Caution: this video can not be unseen.